This wasn't my first Rodeo...

Despite the bad news of last week, I still managed to have a good time with my friends on Saturday night. We had tickets to the PBR (Professional Bull Riding). Now I'm definitely not a cowgirl, a hick, and I can barely call myself a country girl although i do technically live in the country... but a lot of my friends do fit under one of these categories. :) It was actually a really good time.

I drank way to much beer.

Didn't eat enough food.

Mingled with a ton of Country folk.

And danced my booty off at the after party at Rockin Rodeo which is a cute country bar in the downtown Sacramento area. We were on the 'List' so we got to bypass the huge line too.

Can't wait to hang out with everyone again. I always have a good time with my girls.

Selfish

I'm having a selfish moment right now.

I was looking forward to seeing this when it came to town with original cast members...

But instead it looks like I will be doing this...

For my Grandma's funeral service.

I know that you can't predict life and you can't choose when someone leaves this world. And that there are disappointments around every corner. But I do try and look at the bright side of most things.

It's hard to look at the bright side when someone you love dies though and on top of that miss something that you were desperately looking forward to.

God...I'm so selfish.

Such is life.

Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

Thank you. Thank you for the wonderful years that you were here to teach me and show me things like where I come from and who we are as a family. You are a special person. I'm not the only one who thinks this nor is it just our family, it's everyone you have came in contact with over your 67 years. You are beautiful, outgoing, strong, and very smart... not only this but you have the humor of a 25 year old male which makes you all the better.

Can you do me a favor while you are in Heaven? Can you please watch over me? Protect me from the things that will do me no good and help point me in the direction that will ensure that I can become half the woman that you were? You were good. You put up with a lot. Grandpa is not an easy person to understand but he loves you and you the same. You are the glue that keeps him together and he will need you to watch over him. My dad will need some guidance from above too. Please show him there are other ways. Show him that he needs to invest his time in good things like you did. Not only were you the Vice President of our community bank but you gave your time to being on the Board of the Hospital and on the Board of the Hospice, plus more. Please keep an eye on Brittney too. She needs you too. It may be a lot to ask but I think our whole family needs you to be their angel. Do you think you can do this for us?

You gave a good fight Grandma. Stronger then most. You were faced with pretty bad circumstances. You are tired, I understand. Please rest your eyes now. We will miss you.
I love you forever and always.

Love,
Your first granddaughter, Ashley

Barbara Lynn Kosher
4/27/1942-1/15/2010

today

I need:

♥ to get my butt to the gym.

♥ to stop letting the little things get to me.

♥ to clean my house.

♥ to learn how to motivate myself.

I want:

* to be a better person

* to start cooking more homemade meals

* to love exercising.

* to TRAVEL and see the world.

* to be happy everyday.


I feel:

.... tired of working 8-5, monday through friday.

..... emotional... it's that time of the month.

..... sad for the people suffering from the earthquake.



That's all for today. Catch you on the flip side.

What do we call it?

I was just recently asked if I thought it was "the beginning of a new decade or the end of one?"

I liked the question but I couldn't decide on my answer.

The end: The 00's were good. I was 13 when the clock struck midnight in 1999 turning into 2000. What an awesome age for the start of a new decade! It was my Coming of Age (cue music decade. It's when a lot of important things happen. First kisses, first boyfriends, first heartbreaks, drivers licenses, parties, becoming an adult, turning 21, graduations of all kinds (middle school, high school and college!), moving out of my parents, and so many more awesome firsts.

The Beginning: I have a feeling the 10's (how do we go about saying that?) will be just as awesome though. I'm thinking a new level of firsts are going to happen in this decade...Marriage, babies, turning 30 (EWWW), careers, travel, love, loss, and enlightenment. The decade of my adulthood. Crazy.

What do you think, the beginning or the end of a decade?

Have you ever?

Have you ever been told by someone you love that they don't think they have very much longer to be here? Here, as in, alive. I was just told that today by my grandma and it was tough. I get choked up in emotions and can't express myself without crying. I can barely tell someone how I feel about the weather without crying so to hear that come from my grandma...sigh.. again it was tough.

What would you do, if you physically could, if you knew you were going to die. I know we are all going to die but I mean if you knew tomorrow or next week, or next year would be your last? It's kind of a hard question. For me at least. There is so much I want to do, so much I want to experience. I want to travel. Travel far and wide to unknown beaches ,to big cities, to small villages, and to the center of nowhere. To me traveling is the best way to learn. I want to learn!

My list of wants could go on and on... but mostly I want to be happy.

I love my grandma and I know she is fighting...fighting real hard to stay here. Stay with the ones that love her. I hope she crossed off lot's of wants on her list during her lifetime. The biggest thing I have learned from this is that time is precious. Do what you want, live the life you want, and enjoy it.