to be brave.

I have been thinking about my goals for 2012 a lot lately. I'm not big on the new year resolution but there is definitely something to starting new and fresh...and making some changes in ones life. With that said, I figured out something that I really want to change in myself.....

 I want to stop being afraid!

I'm afraid of so many things...

I want to live my life and not be so afraid to fail...afraid to speak up...afraid to go after the things I want.

I'm 25 freaking years old...It's time!

I really like my life. It's comfortable. In all aspects.... I have a good job, a wonderful boyfriend, I'm able to do fun things....I'm very content.

I don't want to be content. I want to discover myself and the things I'm good at and I feel the thing holding me back from this self adventure is that I'm afraid. It's kind of a strange feeling.

I'm sure I'm not alone. A big part of my fear is that I'm shy. Always have been. I'm an introvert and I like to observe others but it's time to break out! =) I found this article while browsing the web...some good tips.

So there it is. My main goal for 2012 is to be less afraid, more outgoing, less shy, and to discover my passions in this little life of mine. I'm going to be BRAVE (my definition of that anyway).

Also I want to:

-travel more ( will get into more details later)

-save money

-learn my camera more and take more pictures

-be nicer to those i'm closest to

-drink more water

Scary Stuff.

Something kind of scary happened yesterday.

I wasn't going to talk about it. But I kind of feel the need.

I had a physical exam with my primary doctor last week. I have had this lump in my breast for some time. It hurts and more so when it's that time of the month. I really haven't been worried about it. My doctor wasn't too concerned either but sent a referral to the breast imaging center at the Hospital for an ultra sound.

I made my appointment the next day and had my Ultra Sound appointment yesterday.

Have you ever had an ultra sound? It's strange. Anyways, the tech found the little lump that has been giving me a hard time. She took some still shots. Told me to wipe off the goop and was going to go get the doctor. Ok cool. That's normal.

Doctor walks in. shakes my hand. Asks how I am? Then the weird question came..."so is anyone here with you? Mom? Sister?" ummm..no..why would they be..*freaking out...freaking out*.

I guess my little lump is a little concerning to him. It looks like a solid mass and it's a bit abnormal shaped. *FUCK*. I might have shed a few quick tears. He didn't want to upset me. I just couldn't help it.

They wanted to get me in for a biopsy on it that day. An hour appointment turned into half the day in this office. I had to wait in the waiting room..alone.... for an hour before going back for the biopsy.

Nurse Pat came and got me. What a sweet lady. Really pro-active in your (mine and hers) health. She made me feel comfortable. That's what I needed.

Back into the same room I had my ultra sound, i got prepped for the procedure. I got to watch on the screen as a needle with Novocaine went through my skin. I'm a little sick and twisted and am into that kind of stuff. But ouchy! I don't like getting shots there. Then they put a little slit into my skin and inserted the larger needle that would be going into the mass and gathering stuff for testing. Took a matter of 15 minutes from start to finish. Nurse Pat cleaned me up, put pressure on the wound (my blood was thin from a pill i took that morning) and got me an ice pack for soothing it later.

Dressed. Get me out of here.

I was a bit emotional all day. A little shaky feeling.

I get the results on Friday. Benign is what i would like the results to come back as. And you know what, in my heart I believe that it will be. But that evil brain of mine is making me think otherwise. If you (whoever is reading!) could please keep me in your thoughts? prayers? chants? whatever it is you do. I will be thankful. =)

Now, have a good day! Happy Cinco de Mayo! Happy Birthday to my mama!

xoxox

Christmas Cards!

It's that time of year!

I'm thinking about being a 'grown up' this year and sending out Christmas Cards to more people than just my grandparents. I figure it's time.

I want to do a picture card. I'm thinking this picture.

What do you all think?

Are you sending out Cards?